Kissing Gate Couple

A few months ago we went to my mother’s for a long weekend and she said we were welcome as long as we entertained ourselves on Sunday because they were going walking with the Ramblers. As keen walkers my wife and I asked if we could tag along.

We parked on a country lane and joined a group of about 50 walkers to wait for the leader. Spot on time somebody donned a high-vis jacket, blew a whistle and told us how far we were going, what the terrain was like and who the back marker was – another chap in a high-vis jacket.             

We were made very welcome and it was good to meet all the people my mum talks about on our weekly phone call. The ex-couple who turn up in two cars and walk at either end of the group, the divorcees who have found new partners in the group and talk about whose house they are staying at this week, the hard core ramblers with all the kit, the leisure ramblers in, god forgive, denim jeans, those who talk incessantly and don’t listen, those who can’t be drawn to comment on anything and the retired bank manager whose biggest decision each year is whether to buy a white or silver Mercedes – he opted for silver this year. Made me think he was a bit common, but he can’t be because my mum wouldn’t associate with him if he were.

We resisted saying ‘oh. So you’re…’ but nothing stopped them from saying ‘oh. We’ve heard so much about you.’ What on earth has my mum been telling them?

The eight mile walk took about four hours, including a stop for a packed lunch, three toilet breaks and a drama at a kissing gate.

For the toilet breaks the men were sent ahead into the next field and then my wife tells me the ladies dropped their trouser where they stood and relieved themselves. We wondered if it was a seasoned rambler activity. Only my wife and mother held it in.

The drama at the kissing gate was caused by the height of the fence. The first person to go through got stuck in the middle with his rucksack jammed between the outer fence and his back, as he was pressed up against the gate. That should have been an indication to everybody else to take their rucksack off, but oh no, each person in turn thought they were thinner or had a better technique and got just as stuck. And then they had to wait for me and my wife to kiss as we went through – a family tradition that we keep alive.

When we got home the following week we thought we could join our local Ramblers and we’ve been out with the Epsom & Ewell group every Sunday since.

As with my mum’s group we have been made to feel very welcome and we’ve soon come to recognise who is who in our group. One lady told us last week that ramblers tell you all sorts of personal things while out walking. She believes it is because there is no eye contact as you walk side by side. She’s probably right.

We have identified a few differences though. Our leader doesn’t wear a high-vis jacket (‘not proper ramblers then’ my mother said), we don’t stop for lunch and thankfully we don’t have to stop for the loo every hour – there hasn’t been a single loo stop in six weeks.

A fortnight ago my mum and dad went to their groups AGM and were surprised to discover that they have 190 members. When we went to our AGM this week and discovered our group has 409 members I couldn’t wait to ring my mum and tell her.

The AGM was interesting, we met at 10:30 for tea and coffee, went to the loo before walking at 11:00, had a lovely sit down lunch at 1:00 and then proceeded with the AGM at 2:00.

It was good to hear about the walks during the week that we miss because we have to work and the other non-walking activities that go on, such as installing a new kissing gate, a pub quiz night and a barn dance.

The only thing we had to worry about was volunteering for something when the non-committee roles were agreed. My wife expected me to put my hand up for record keeper. Nobody volunteered so there was an open invitation to talk to the incumbent about taking over at any time in the future. I like playing with data so maybe I’ll volunteer once we get to know a few more people. In the mean time I’ve included some infographics from this year’s figures presented at the AGM.

My wife and I continue to stop and kiss at every kissing gate hence the title above.

November 2016